Hey, now! I was just checking the Sitemeter visitor statistics for our site and saw that we have a fan in Mexico! Fucking A!
Either that or he accidentally wound up here somehow. Either way, bienvenidos, amigo!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Hola, Mexico!
Hey, now! I was just checking the Sitemeter visitor statistics for our site and saw that we have a fan in Mexico! Fucking A!
Either that or he accidentally wound up here somehow. Either way, bienvenidos, amigo!
Wednesday's Games
Be prompt!
Game 1:
Wax Off vs. Sturgeonface
Game 2:
Chuck Duke Presents: Hairbags vs. Q-Balls
Game 3:
Muffintops vs. SILF
The excitement is built right in! The winner of Game 3 is the winner of the Winner's Bracket!
Game 1:
Wax Off vs. Sturgeonface
Game 2:
Chuck Duke Presents: Hairbags vs. Q-Balls
Game 3:
Muffintops vs. SILF
The excitement is built right in! The winner of Game 3 is the winner of the Winner's Bracket!
New Poll!
The results of our first poll had Muffintops as the favorites, garnering 26% of the votes. Runner up was Hot Buzz with 15% and Wax Off with 12%. Surprise Winner's Bracket semi-finalists SILF only scored 7%. Now that we've had a slew of eliminations, I thought it might be time for another poll.
Who's left? Who's got the best chance? Who's the favorite now?
Cast your vote in the poll to the right!
Teams remaining:
Beetledouche
Muffintops
SILF
Hot Buzz
Wax Off
Sturgeonface
Chuck Duke Presents: Hairbags
Q-Balls
Who's left? Who's got the best chance? Who's the favorite now?
Cast your vote in the poll to the right!
Teams remaining:
Beetledouche
Muffintops
SILF
Hot Buzz
Wax Off
Sturgeonface
Chuck Duke Presents: Hairbags
Q-Balls
Team Profile: Eddy & The Boozers
The pairing of Jeremie Talbot and Austin Eddy brings us our least imaginative team name. In the words of my good buddy Billy Bob Thornton, "They can't all be winners." Words to live by.The bad news is that, despite fighting the good fight, the Boozers were out after two games. The other bad news is that Jeremie hasn't been back to the finals since his narrow defeat two years ago. The good news is that Austin is now battle tested and knows exactly what he's in for next year.
Huzzah!
Team Profile: Jew Magix
By the power of Grayskull, I give you Jew Magix! The devlishly wicked combination of Stephen Wong and Michael "Clemmy" Clemens unleashed their wizardry on an unsuspecting hoard of ill-prepared opponents...only to be vanquished far earlier than the bettors might have anticipated.Thanks for playing, gents.
(Finally got through a posting regarding this team with no Jew-related commentary. Yeah!)
The Gambler: Results
Kane still out. One more week. He'll be back in plenty of time to make bank. Keep your singles handy. Stay away from the strip clubs this weekend. If you can, of course.Tournament total: -$4
Pill Count
Bo-o-o-o-o-o-ring.Zero pill shots today. Aside from the games themselves, zero excitement.
Tournament total: 11
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Day 7 Action!
I'm hoarse! I swear, I barely keep track of the games. I'm just there to scream my @#$ head off. It helps that I sit next to Brian Smith. Keeps the volume up.
Celebrities of note at today's matches:
Eric Leven
Chris Paizis
John K
Tom Schelesny
Frank Petzold
Game 1:
Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags vs. Jew Magix
YEAH!
The crowd was in very full throat today.
"Jew!!!!"
"Jchooooooo!!!"
"John Kaaaaaaaay!!!"
"Net!! NET!!"
It didn't matter who we were yelling for or what we were yelling about, as long as there was something coming out of our mouths at top volume. The ear-splitting sound levels were really impressive. I saw six people with a trail of blood out of their ears and one with a big wet spot in the pillular area. That's excitement!
Jcho looked a little evil today. Did anyone notice that? That might be of some interest as the tournament continues, as Jew Magix falls out of the Loser's Bracket.
Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags: 21, Jew Magix: 16
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Wax Off
"Jim Brown is a drunken ape!"
- Brian Smith
He was right. Someone put crank in his coffee, meth in his cookies, or ants in his pants. The kid was out of control, almost to the point of getting the @#$ kicked out of him by his own teammate! Ah, you see, though, it was all part of a dastardly plan. A Master Plan, if you will. Once the Boozers went ahead 14-10, Jimbo initially panicked, but then switched his brains on. He felt that if he took Jeremie out of Serious Mode, Wax Off might have a chance. Jeremie plays well when he's focused, apparently, and less so when he smiles. JBrown really took it for the team here, as he made himself look like an ass, but helped his team to victory.
Wow.
Great game, though. Ten tons of fun on a bun, even without the wacky antics.
Wax Off: 21, Eddy & The Boozers: 17
Game 3:
Muffintops vs. Beetledouche
Yeah, dudes! To this point, this was the most anticipated game of the tournament. Muffintops had defeated Q-Balls in the first "most anticipated game" and came away victorious, anointing them as The Team To Beat. Beetledouche came in with their headband and their Jonny Tal, looking to steal the spotlight.
This game lived up to the hype. After a sonic letdown in Game 2, the crowd screwed it's lungs back in and brought the sound and fury again. Every point was an experience in Eardrum Compression Torture, even on the boring points where nothing really happened. When the tension was thick and the rally long, dear sweet Baby New Year I could barely hear myself think. It was so loud, in fact, that I could barely hear Brian shouting right next to me. The pong table was in a state of constant vibration from the oscillations of the sound waves tearing around Centre Court. I'm guessing that I wasn't the only one who needed to recalibrate his pancreas after this game. Jean Shen kept her hand clamped over her mouth in order to keep the pressure in her body equalized in contrast to the extremely high concentration of sonic power being generated. League Scoreboard Jance Rubinchik somehow managed to focus enough to maintain the rudimentary mathematical skills required to accurately tally the scores.
Goodness gracious, it's amazing that the retractable dome over Centre Court didn't come crashing down, pulverizing us all to smithereens.
Muffintops: 21, Beetledouche: 18
Celebrities of note at today's matches:
Eric Leven
Chris Paizis
John K
Tom Schelesny
Frank Petzold
Game 1:
Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags vs. Jew Magix
YEAH!
The crowd was in very full throat today.
"Jew!!!!"
"Jchooooooo!!!"
"John Kaaaaaaaay!!!"
"Net!! NET!!"
It didn't matter who we were yelling for or what we were yelling about, as long as there was something coming out of our mouths at top volume. The ear-splitting sound levels were really impressive. I saw six people with a trail of blood out of their ears and one with a big wet spot in the pillular area. That's excitement!
Jcho looked a little evil today. Did anyone notice that? That might be of some interest as the tournament continues, as Jew Magix falls out of the Loser's Bracket.
Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags: 21, Jew Magix: 16
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Wax Off
"Jim Brown is a drunken ape!"
- Brian Smith
He was right. Someone put crank in his coffee, meth in his cookies, or ants in his pants. The kid was out of control, almost to the point of getting the @#$ kicked out of him by his own teammate! Ah, you see, though, it was all part of a dastardly plan. A Master Plan, if you will. Once the Boozers went ahead 14-10, Jimbo initially panicked, but then switched his brains on. He felt that if he took Jeremie out of Serious Mode, Wax Off might have a chance. Jeremie plays well when he's focused, apparently, and less so when he smiles. JBrown really took it for the team here, as he made himself look like an ass, but helped his team to victory.
Wow.
Great game, though. Ten tons of fun on a bun, even without the wacky antics.
Wax Off: 21, Eddy & The Boozers: 17
Game 3:
Muffintops vs. Beetledouche
Yeah, dudes! To this point, this was the most anticipated game of the tournament. Muffintops had defeated Q-Balls in the first "most anticipated game" and came away victorious, anointing them as The Team To Beat. Beetledouche came in with their headband and their Jonny Tal, looking to steal the spotlight.
This game lived up to the hype. After a sonic letdown in Game 2, the crowd screwed it's lungs back in and brought the sound and fury again. Every point was an experience in Eardrum Compression Torture, even on the boring points where nothing really happened. When the tension was thick and the rally long, dear sweet Baby New Year I could barely hear myself think. It was so loud, in fact, that I could barely hear Brian shouting right next to me. The pong table was in a state of constant vibration from the oscillations of the sound waves tearing around Centre Court. I'm guessing that I wasn't the only one who needed to recalibrate his pancreas after this game. Jean Shen kept her hand clamped over her mouth in order to keep the pressure in her body equalized in contrast to the extremely high concentration of sonic power being generated. League Scoreboard Jance Rubinchik somehow managed to focus enough to maintain the rudimentary mathematical skills required to accurately tally the scores.
Goodness gracious, it's amazing that the retractable dome over Centre Court didn't come crashing down, pulverizing us all to smithereens.
Muffintops: 21, Beetledouche: 18
Blaise Says
"For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either. The ends of things and their beginnings are impregnably concealed from him in an impenetrable secret. He is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness out of which he was drawn and the infinite in which he is engulfed."That would be Blaise Pascal, not Blaise Panfalone. Blaise Panfalone said something entirely different, mostly regarding today's matchups, but if you want to know what he thinks, you'll have to ask him, since I promised not to repeat anything he said today.
In related news, Blaise Pascal invented roulette while trying to develop a perpetual motion machine. He also created the world's first mechanical calculator. Both of these inventions had tremendous implications with regards to gambling and I think you can see where I'm going with this.
Bring your singles! Just because Kane's out doesn't mean you can't cash in.
Team Profile: Scottish
The partnership of Chuck Duke (strangely not playing on the team that bears his name) and Joe Engelke was like mercury: tough to get a handle on. Joe was nervous for his first ever tournament game, but righted the ship for the second. We've seen what Chuck can do, but alas, we'll never know how good they could have been with some time together under their belts. Scottish, we hardly knew ye.
Today's Games
Holy @#$. We're making good time now.
Game 1:
Chuck Duke Presents: Hairbags vs. Jew Magix
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Wax Off
Game 3:
Beetledouche vs. Muffintops
Two elimination games and one titanic matchup. Heavy, heavy action.
Game 1:
Chuck Duke Presents: Hairbags vs. Jew Magix
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Wax Off
Game 3:
Beetledouche vs. Muffintops
Two elimination games and one titanic matchup. Heavy, heavy action.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Gambler: Results
The casino is closed. Kane is out for two weeks on vacation and the action was dead. I heard Ryan looking for action at one point, but there were absolutely no takers. It's a sad day for compulsive gamblers. Kane will remain stalled at his present total for a while.
Tournament total: -$4
Pill Count
A red-letter day for pill fans. Ryan had one, Blaise had one, and Jeremie had two! Zounds! How can he still be walking. Perhaps he's not. Maybe he's curled under his desk, waiting for feeling to return.Tournament total: 11
Day 6 Action!
Is it really only Day 6? Seems longer than that, but whatever. Here we are, exactly where we are meant to be.
Game 1:
Hot Buzz vs. Jew Magix
It was windy today and, of course, someone complained about it. Of all the things I can control, "weather" is not on the list. Actually, it's a really short list. One item: Nothing. Put that in your existential pipe and smoke it.
Anyway, it looked like a sweet matchup here. Blazin' Paddles vs. the Kosher Kaiser. TC vs. Stephen Wong, who has no nickname. (Leave your nickname ideas in the comments section.) This one, as they say, had all the makings...on paper.
As per history, the non-Gentile Giant took half the game to wake up his paddle. Blaise whistled slams way too high and way too low. TC's paddle turned to Jell-O brand gelatin at some points, making returns ineffective. Stephen Wong just tried to stay out of Clemmy's way, costing him some points. The leads went up and down like a roller coaster, with Hot Buzz finally pulling away, but not before Blaise took one in the pill case (and true to this year's tournament form, insisting that it hit him in the hip).
Hot Buzz: 21, Jew Magix: 15
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Beetledouche
Finally, the Boozers' first game. We were dying to see what Austin Eddy brought to the pitch. Was he accurate? Streaky? Was his flow heavy or light? Who knew?
Just like the first game, this thing was all over the place. Ryan, bless his headband, could not keep the ball anywhere near the table and even got conked in the dice once. Jonny was shooting blanks 50% of the time. Jeremie was having a similar success rate. Austin acquitted himself just fine for a guy under the pressure of Centre Court for the first time, but still, lots of points left out on the table. Was it the wind? Really? You wish. Everyone was just a bit off today, I guess, but at least that made things exciting. The scores were tight for the most part, but today was Beetledouche's day. Jeremie wound things up with a bang by completely fanning on the final point of the day, allowing the ball to connect for his second pilling of the match.
Beetledouche: 21, Eddy & The Boozers: 16
Game 3:
Hot Buzz vs. SILF
It finally seemed that the players warmed up. Very exciting game! The scores were so even throughout that we had our first deuce of the tournament. Yahoo! Blaise was ripping some slams. The JParm 5000 needed some slight recalibration mid-game, but played a very strong match. Tom Collins played some steady-as-she-goes pong. The key, in my estimation, was Hans. The guy played great! Very few missed shots. He was hitting to Blaise and most folks figured that Blaise would be ripping slam after slam, but it was not to be. Hans had a high rate of return (unlike most checking accounts) and some good location. He kept Blaise moving, which might have been the key. He couldn't set his feet.
Anyway, on to deuce we go!
First serve...
Jance: "Advantage, SILF!"
Second serve...
Crowd: "Dooooooooce!"
Third serve...
Jance: "Advantage, SILF!"
Fourth serve...
Crowd: "Dooooooooce!"
Fifth serve...
Jance: "Advantage, SILF!"
Sixth serve...
SILF: 24, Hot Buzz: 22
Game 1:
Hot Buzz vs. Jew Magix
It was windy today and, of course, someone complained about it. Of all the things I can control, "weather" is not on the list. Actually, it's a really short list. One item: Nothing. Put that in your existential pipe and smoke it.
Anyway, it looked like a sweet matchup here. Blazin' Paddles vs. the Kosher Kaiser. TC vs. Stephen Wong, who has no nickname. (Leave your nickname ideas in the comments section.) This one, as they say, had all the makings...on paper.
As per history, the non-Gentile Giant took half the game to wake up his paddle. Blaise whistled slams way too high and way too low. TC's paddle turned to Jell-O brand gelatin at some points, making returns ineffective. Stephen Wong just tried to stay out of Clemmy's way, costing him some points. The leads went up and down like a roller coaster, with Hot Buzz finally pulling away, but not before Blaise took one in the pill case (and true to this year's tournament form, insisting that it hit him in the hip).
Hot Buzz: 21, Jew Magix: 15
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Beetledouche
Finally, the Boozers' first game. We were dying to see what Austin Eddy brought to the pitch. Was he accurate? Streaky? Was his flow heavy or light? Who knew?
Just like the first game, this thing was all over the place. Ryan, bless his headband, could not keep the ball anywhere near the table and even got conked in the dice once. Jonny was shooting blanks 50% of the time. Jeremie was having a similar success rate. Austin acquitted himself just fine for a guy under the pressure of Centre Court for the first time, but still, lots of points left out on the table. Was it the wind? Really? You wish. Everyone was just a bit off today, I guess, but at least that made things exciting. The scores were tight for the most part, but today was Beetledouche's day. Jeremie wound things up with a bang by completely fanning on the final point of the day, allowing the ball to connect for his second pilling of the match.
Beetledouche: 21, Eddy & The Boozers: 16
Game 3:
Hot Buzz vs. SILF
It finally seemed that the players warmed up. Very exciting game! The scores were so even throughout that we had our first deuce of the tournament. Yahoo! Blaise was ripping some slams. The JParm 5000 needed some slight recalibration mid-game, but played a very strong match. Tom Collins played some steady-as-she-goes pong. The key, in my estimation, was Hans. The guy played great! Very few missed shots. He was hitting to Blaise and most folks figured that Blaise would be ripping slam after slam, but it was not to be. Hans had a high rate of return (unlike most checking accounts) and some good location. He kept Blaise moving, which might have been the key. He couldn't set his feet.
Anyway, on to deuce we go!
First serve...
Jance: "Advantage, SILF!"
Second serve...
Crowd: "Dooooooooce!"
Third serve...
Jance: "Advantage, SILF!"
Fourth serve...
Crowd: "Dooooooooce!"
Fifth serve...
Jance: "Advantage, SILF!"
Sixth serve...
SILF: 24, Hot Buzz: 22
Team Profile: Lady Berries
This profile is a little late, since Lady Berries has already been eliminated, but the team of Kirk Larkins and two-time former Champion Jean Shen is still worthy of notice.For those of you unsure what lady berries are, click here. All will be illuminated.
Anyone Else Feel Like We Haven't Played A Game In Weeks?
Oof.
Today's matchups...
Game 1:
Hot Buzz vs. Jew Magix
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Beetledouche
Game 3:
SILF vs. Game 1 winner
Today's matchups...
Game 1:
Hot Buzz vs. Jew Magix
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Beetledouche
Game 3:
SILF vs. Game 1 winner
Team Profile: Sturgeonface
Does this lively little fellow to the right look familiar? He should, because he's disguised as either Geoff or Jance! Skinny, scaly mofos wearing glasses; that's Sturgeonface!Ok, they're not scaly, as far as I know, but they do wear glasses. Geoff and Jance, that is. Their team mascot, the proud sturgeon himself, is most definitely scaly.
I don't know where this post is going, so I'll just stop. Just know this: Sturgeonface - still alive.
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