Due to the absence of Tom Collins and Jeremie Talbot this week, our bracket is currently stalled until their return. I know, I know, but don't blame me. Well, maybe a little, since I'm only here three days a week, but we still would have burned through all our available games this week by now.
When those two chuckleheads get back in a working mood, I'd like to try to get in three games a day. We've got a couple of players mere weeks away from completing their tours of duty here and I would like to give everyone the opportunity to be a champion. If my calculations are correct, we may just be able to finish this thing in two week's time if we cram in three per day.
The good news is that more games equals more excitement, so that's a good thing.
Please try to be on time and ready to play on your day. You may be called on to play two in one day, but that's how it goes sometimes.
In light of all of the above, here are next Wednesday's games:
Game 1:
Hot Buzz vs. Jew Magix
Game 2:
Eddy & The Boozers vs. Beetledouche
Game 3:
SILF vs. the winner of Game 1
Please let me know if there's any conflict. Thanks.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Who's In? Who's Out?
Everyone is still in except for the following three teams, who have notched two tournament losses:
Scottish
Lady Berries
Velveeta Manwich
In contrast, neither Jeremie Talbot nor Austin Eddy has played a single point! That's what you get when half your team is out of town for an entire week of play. I guess they will always be able to say, "We were in the tournament longer than those other chumps!"
I'd be more gracious about it, myself, but I don't know about those two. They seem pretty hardcore.
Scottish
Lady Berries
Velveeta Manwich
In contrast, neither Jeremie Talbot nor Austin Eddy has played a single point! That's what you get when half your team is out of town for an entire week of play. I guess they will always be able to say, "We were in the tournament longer than those other chumps!"
I'd be more gracious about it, myself, but I don't know about those two. They seem pretty hardcore.
Pill Count
We had one near miss today. Will lofted a beauty which just seemed to keep carrying towards Mike B's peanuts, but according to Beetledouche player/coach Jonny Tal, a near miss was as close as we'd get. Not for lack of trying, though. Once the outcome of the game was pretty well secured, Mike B shifted his priority from winning to pilling Will. Not to be.Tournament total: 7
The Gambler: Results
Woo hoo! Kane back up on top! $2 coming in and none going out. It's a shame that he might have finally swung momentum, since he'll be out of town for two weeks. The Bank of Kane is closed until late September. I have a hunch that the tournament will still be in full swing when he returns, giving Kane one last opportunity to get into the black.Tournament total: -$4
Day 5 Action!
Game 1:
Velveeta Manwich vs. Wax Off
Well, let's set the stage here for a moment. In a previous post, JBrown had called out Gibby for the ultimate hair challenge. If Manwich won, then JBrown was going to shave his head completely, cue ball style (not Q-Ball). If Wax Off won, then Gibby was going to let his hair grow until Halloween. That's roughly 48 days, which is ironic, since that's how long it would take for JBrown's hair to grow in long enough that he wouldn't be socially repellent.
The stakes were obviously high....
But not high enough for Will to take things seriously! I think you can fill in the blank of, "Will Groebe is the Clown Prince of ______," with just about anything and be accurate. The Clown Prince of Pong. The Clown Prince of Animation. The Clown Prince of Mechanical Bull Riding. See how it works universally? Try one yourself now, see if it doesn't hold true.
Once the game finally got underway, the crowd was obviously behind Manwich. They wanted a shaving, not a growing. I can't be certain whether they were pro-Brown-humiliation instead of pro-Gibby-humiliation or whether a shaving is just so much more instant gratification, but every point Wax Off garnered was an opportunity for the masses to exercise their right to boo.
Unfortunately for the skinhead fans, they had plenty of reason to boo.
Wax Off: 21, Velveeta Manwich: 15
Velveeta Manwich has been eliminated and Gibby has 48 days to think about what he's done.
Velveeta Manwich vs. Wax Off
Well, let's set the stage here for a moment. In a previous post, JBrown had called out Gibby for the ultimate hair challenge. If Manwich won, then JBrown was going to shave his head completely, cue ball style (not Q-Ball). If Wax Off won, then Gibby was going to let his hair grow until Halloween. That's roughly 48 days, which is ironic, since that's how long it would take for JBrown's hair to grow in long enough that he wouldn't be socially repellent.
The stakes were obviously high....
But not high enough for Will to take things seriously! I think you can fill in the blank of, "Will Groebe is the Clown Prince of ______," with just about anything and be accurate. The Clown Prince of Pong. The Clown Prince of Animation. The Clown Prince of Mechanical Bull Riding. See how it works universally? Try one yourself now, see if it doesn't hold true.
Once the game finally got underway, the crowd was obviously behind Manwich. They wanted a shaving, not a growing. I can't be certain whether they were pro-Brown-humiliation instead of pro-Gibby-humiliation or whether a shaving is just so much more instant gratification, but every point Wax Off garnered was an opportunity for the masses to exercise their right to boo.
Unfortunately for the skinhead fans, they had plenty of reason to boo.
Wax Off: 21, Velveeta Manwich: 15
Velveeta Manwich has been eliminated and Gibby has 48 days to think about what he's done.
Sweaty Tal, Sweaty Tal!
Sweaty Tal, in a photo taken very shortly after taking his second shot to the pills the other day, which no doubt triggered his sweaty glands.
Kirk Count
Well, he didn't actually stop by my desk, but he called my desk phone to tell me to check my email, which I already do 100 times a day as it's a major part of my job. It seems that he'd sent me a mail that couldn't wait another minute, in spite from the fact that it could have waited until tomorrow. I count this as a visit.Tournament total: 6
I have a spy phone which tells you who is calling you before you pick up. Next time I see his name, I'm just going to count it here and leave the phone on the hook.
Thud!
The sound of a heavy gauntlet hitting the floor! Check this action out!
If Wax Off loses today then I, Jim Brown, will shave my head tomorrow at center court.
However, if Wax Off wins, then Tom Gibbons will have to grow out his hair for 48 days. No haircuts until Halloween!!!
Are you in Gibbons?
Cheers.
- Jim Brown
Holy cats. That's intense! And how does it affect Kane's wagerings?
If Wax Off loses today then I, Jim Brown, will shave my head tomorrow at center court.
However, if Wax Off wins, then Tom Gibbons will have to grow out his hair for 48 days. No haircuts until Halloween!!!
Are you in Gibbons?
Cheers.
- Jim Brown
Holy cats. That's intense! And how does it affect Kane's wagerings?
The Chart
There seems to be some sort of concurrent something or another going on that involves a big grid, some names, and whatnots. I'm not officially sure what it is, if you know what I mean, but for those of you who have an interest in such things, here is a photo of the chart.
Perhaps someone can explain it to me someday.
*Ahem*
Perhaps someone can explain it to me someday.
*Ahem*
One Game Today
Hello and welcome to Thursday, or as I like to call it, The Day Either Wax Off or Velveeta Manwich Goes Home!
Today's game:
Wax Off vs. Velveeta Manwich
See you at 4:30!
Today's game:
Wax Off vs. Velveeta Manwich
See you at 4:30!
This Really Happened
Team Photographer Ross Nakamura was able to snap this pic at the precise moment that the Fabric of Reality bent.
Holy cats and dogs!!
Holy cats and dogs!!
Team Photographer Elected!
By virtue of the fact that he's taken photos and delivered them to me, Ross Nakamura is the Official Pills Of Fury team photographer! I'll be trickling out doses of his photographic excellence over the course of the event.
Hello, visual documentation!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Salaam: Boy Scout
What other explanation could there be for his complete preparedness for Friday's pong madness?
Two words: Original Recipe!
Click that chicken to see it bigger.
Two words: Original Recipe!
Click that chicken to see it bigger.
The Celebrity Spokesmodel Smiles
Things are going very nicely, very nicely indeed. Ed Grimley is very pleased.Ding!
The Gambler: Results
Kane got thrashed again today. Holy cats, the guy is bleeding money. $7 out and $2 in for a daily total of -$5.Tournament total: -$6
Pill Count
Will took a very nice crack to the walnuts today, although he tried to convince us that he turned his hip at the last moment. Right.Superfan Patrick Danaher also was a recipient today. It was game point of the last game off a mighty ricochet. Pow!
Tournament total: 7
Day 4 Action!
Game 1:
Lady Berries vs. Q-Balls
Three of the heaviest hitters in the tournament facing each other in an elimination game this early in the tournament? Who had that in the pool? Nobody. Kirk was there, too. Don't forget that.
Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow!!
What the heck was that?! I'll tell you. That was the sound of Lady Berries storming out to a 5-1 advantage. Holy cats and dogs! This game is getting over quickly!
Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-poww!!
Whoa. My head is spinning. What in the name of the Great Egg was that?!? Unfortunately for Lady Berries, that was the sound of Q-Balls ripping off a 16-2 run to put themselves up 17-7. Ye gods. Joel took the opportunity to practice some slams, safe in the knowledge that their ten-point lead would hold.
It did, eventually.
Q-Balls: 21, Lady Berries: 15
Game 2:
Velveeta Manwich vs. Jew Magix
All the religious groups were represented at the table for this game (assuming that Gibby is Hindu, as I suspect). The only question here today was which god would smile on which team. Manwich rushed out to a quick lead as Harry Hannukah forgot to wake up Clemmy. Buddha abandoned Stephen Wong for a while as he tried to shake off the rust. Ganesh was rocking the court as Gibby and Will were about to usher in a Great Convergence at the beginning of a New Age.
Alas, the sleeping giant awoke and Stephen found his happy center and the Magix pulled ahead. Neither team could gain a firm foothold on the lead as both sides went on four or five point mini-runs throughout the game, keeping things interesting as a multitude of deities battled in the heavens for ping pong supremacy. As the Greeks used to say, "By all the gods!!!"
In the end, Will and Gibby turned out to be more Velveeta than Manwich. Apparently the collection plates in their churches were a little light this week.
Jew Magix: 21, Velveeta Manwich: 18
Lady Berries vs. Q-Balls
Three of the heaviest hitters in the tournament facing each other in an elimination game this early in the tournament? Who had that in the pool? Nobody. Kirk was there, too. Don't forget that.
Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow!!
What the heck was that?! I'll tell you. That was the sound of Lady Berries storming out to a 5-1 advantage. Holy cats and dogs! This game is getting over quickly!
Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-poww!!
Whoa. My head is spinning. What in the name of the Great Egg was that?!? Unfortunately for Lady Berries, that was the sound of Q-Balls ripping off a 16-2 run to put themselves up 17-7. Ye gods. Joel took the opportunity to practice some slams, safe in the knowledge that their ten-point lead would hold.
It did, eventually.
Q-Balls: 21, Lady Berries: 15
Game 2:
Velveeta Manwich vs. Jew Magix
All the religious groups were represented at the table for this game (assuming that Gibby is Hindu, as I suspect). The only question here today was which god would smile on which team. Manwich rushed out to a quick lead as Harry Hannukah forgot to wake up Clemmy. Buddha abandoned Stephen Wong for a while as he tried to shake off the rust. Ganesh was rocking the court as Gibby and Will were about to usher in a Great Convergence at the beginning of a New Age.
Alas, the sleeping giant awoke and Stephen found his happy center and the Magix pulled ahead. Neither team could gain a firm foothold on the lead as both sides went on four or five point mini-runs throughout the game, keeping things interesting as a multitude of deities battled in the heavens for ping pong supremacy. As the Greeks used to say, "By all the gods!!!"
In the end, Will and Gibby turned out to be more Velveeta than Manwich. Apparently the collection plates in their churches were a little light this week.
Jew Magix: 21, Velveeta Manwich: 18
Most Destructive Pill Shot Ever!
If you were there, you saw it and had one thought going through your head: "I'm glad that wasn't me." The next thought might have been, "I can't see Jcho..."
The game between Scottish and Sturgeonface was going along just fine until one of the Sturgeons whipped a really tasty cross-court shot. Chuck Duke got up a full head a steam and fully committed to making the return...
The thing you need to know about Chuck is that he's a big man. Not heavy or anything like that, but just...he's got a big frame. He just seems huge!
Anyway, Chuck, at top speed took off after the ball and didn't stop until he'd plowed through Jcho's chest and carried him along with him through the rose bush, coming to rest after the brick wall stopped his forward progress. The sandwich looked something like this:
1. Brick wall
2. Rose bush
3. Jcho
4. Chuck Duke
Once Jcho was finally extricated from his thorny predicament, he was left bleeding and needed his right lung reinflated.
Hats off to Jcho. Holy cats.
The game between Scottish and Sturgeonface was going along just fine until one of the Sturgeons whipped a really tasty cross-court shot. Chuck Duke got up a full head a steam and fully committed to making the return...
The thing you need to know about Chuck is that he's a big man. Not heavy or anything like that, but just...he's got a big frame. He just seems huge!
Anyway, Chuck, at top speed took off after the ball and didn't stop until he'd plowed through Jcho's chest and carried him along with him through the rose bush, coming to rest after the brick wall stopped his forward progress. The sandwich looked something like this:
1. Brick wall
2. Rose bush
3. Jcho
4. Chuck Duke
Once Jcho was finally extricated from his thorny predicament, he was left bleeding and needed his right lung reinflated.
Hats off to Jcho. Holy cats.
Day 3 Action!
Hello.
Best day of pong ever. EVER! Really good games, an overstimulated crowd looking for blood (and getting it - more on that later), and three games! Top shelf. Let's get to it.
Game 1:
Beetledouche vs. Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags
If you check the poll in the green column to the right, you'll see that neither of these teams have garnered a lot of pre-game attention as possible champs, which is surprising. Jcho has the Asian angle (and let's be honest, the white people respond to that), Jonny Tal is a past champion, Morgan Loomis is from the Moon, and Ryan Hood was wearing a headband, Tenenbaum-style. There were plenty of good, consistent players on the court and the play ultimately reflected that.
Since I'm about five days behind on this posting, I'll cut the hyperbole and get right to it: the crowd was apoplectic. It was as if some mad scientist sprayed everyone with a mystery fluid and then announced that the only way to survive the dousing was to scream as if your life depended on it. Amazing. I was lightheaded and deaf. Jim Brown ripped off quite a few quality bursts of, "Jonny Tal, Jonny Tal!!" Jcho played to the crowd. Ryan never smiled. Not once. I was counting. Great times ahoy. Plenty of hot pong action to boot, giving people a legitimate reason to get excited. The game was pleasantly close the entire way.
Beetledouche: 21, Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags: 17
Jonny Tal triumphantly walked off Centre Court a bit too carelessly and dislodged the net, turning a round of victory applause into a torrent of boos. Fickle crowd! Jonny was forced to screw his courage back on long enough to fix the wonky apparatus with the eyes of the world watching and all of the vitriol that several dozen VFX artists could bring forth.
Anyway, on to...
Game 2:
Lady Berries vs. SILF
Game 1 was great. How would Game 2 stack up? We'd seen Kirk miraculously make it to the second round of the Winner's Bracket (read that last part again to let it sink in), but hadn't seen SILF do anything yet. Had anyone actually seen Hans play? Was he any good? The JParm 5000 was online, but could he carry the whole team?
The spectators were treated to another terrific match. Lots of smashed balls, lots of speed on the table, lots of fun, fun, fun. Each team battled for what little lead they could get until the opposition took it back. Hans, I think, was the difference-maker, though. JParm and Jean were their usual tip-top selves and Kirk stood his ground, but Hans made some nice plays and a beauty of a smash that may have just been what was necessary to put SILF over the top.
SILF: 21, Lady Berries: 18
Game 3:
This was a first. I can't recall ever having played three in one day and it almost didn't happen here. The whole of Scottish was difficult to find. Chuck was there, then he wasn't. Then he appeared and disappeared to find Joe and eventually they both emerged, ready for battle. And they really were ready! Shaking off their first round jitters, the played loose and with confidence. Sturgeonface seemed a little stunned, perhaps, and took some time to get loose and warmed up. Perhaps they play their best with their backs to the wall, because once the scores passed the midway point, Sturgeonface played consistently well enough to pull away and end Scottish's chances of an upset victory.
Sturgeonface: 21, Scottish: 17
Best day of pong ever. EVER! Really good games, an overstimulated crowd looking for blood (and getting it - more on that later), and three games! Top shelf. Let's get to it.
Game 1:
Beetledouche vs. Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags
If you check the poll in the green column to the right, you'll see that neither of these teams have garnered a lot of pre-game attention as possible champs, which is surprising. Jcho has the Asian angle (and let's be honest, the white people respond to that), Jonny Tal is a past champion, Morgan Loomis is from the Moon, and Ryan Hood was wearing a headband, Tenenbaum-style. There were plenty of good, consistent players on the court and the play ultimately reflected that.
Since I'm about five days behind on this posting, I'll cut the hyperbole and get right to it: the crowd was apoplectic. It was as if some mad scientist sprayed everyone with a mystery fluid and then announced that the only way to survive the dousing was to scream as if your life depended on it. Amazing. I was lightheaded and deaf. Jim Brown ripped off quite a few quality bursts of, "Jonny Tal, Jonny Tal!!" Jcho played to the crowd. Ryan never smiled. Not once. I was counting. Great times ahoy. Plenty of hot pong action to boot, giving people a legitimate reason to get excited. The game was pleasantly close the entire way.
Beetledouche: 21, Chuck Duke Presents, Hairbags: 17
Jonny Tal triumphantly walked off Centre Court a bit too carelessly and dislodged the net, turning a round of victory applause into a torrent of boos. Fickle crowd! Jonny was forced to screw his courage back on long enough to fix the wonky apparatus with the eyes of the world watching and all of the vitriol that several dozen VFX artists could bring forth.
Anyway, on to...
Game 2:
Lady Berries vs. SILF
Game 1 was great. How would Game 2 stack up? We'd seen Kirk miraculously make it to the second round of the Winner's Bracket (read that last part again to let it sink in), but hadn't seen SILF do anything yet. Had anyone actually seen Hans play? Was he any good? The JParm 5000 was online, but could he carry the whole team?
The spectators were treated to another terrific match. Lots of smashed balls, lots of speed on the table, lots of fun, fun, fun. Each team battled for what little lead they could get until the opposition took it back. Hans, I think, was the difference-maker, though. JParm and Jean were their usual tip-top selves and Kirk stood his ground, but Hans made some nice plays and a beauty of a smash that may have just been what was necessary to put SILF over the top.
SILF: 21, Lady Berries: 18
Game 3:
This was a first. I can't recall ever having played three in one day and it almost didn't happen here. The whole of Scottish was difficult to find. Chuck was there, then he wasn't. Then he appeared and disappeared to find Joe and eventually they both emerged, ready for battle. And they really were ready! Shaking off their first round jitters, the played loose and with confidence. Sturgeonface seemed a little stunned, perhaps, and took some time to get loose and warmed up. Perhaps they play their best with their backs to the wall, because once the scores passed the midway point, Sturgeonface played consistently well enough to pull away and end Scottish's chances of an upset victory.
Sturgeonface: 21, Scottish: 17
Pill Count
Unprecedented pill activity on Friday! It was an avalanche of neuterings! Ryan Hood took a singular beating.
Jean Shen took one pillular hit.
Jonny Tal did the right thing and absorbed two hits, firing off his sweat glands later in the game.
Tournament total: 5
The Gambler: Results
Kane seems to be doing better this year when he's not present at Centre Court. He was out for a long weekend and missed Friday's games, but still won $2 through his agent, Brian Smith. $2 in, zero out.Tournament total: -$1
He's still in the red, therefore desperate. Pounce on his misfortune!
Kirk Count
Kirk didn't stop by today and it's going to be even harder from here on out, since my location is in another building as of today. He's really going to have to work to get the count higher.Tournament total: 5
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